Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds (The Guilford Family Therapy Series) by Susan M. Johnson

Author:Susan M. Johnson [Johnson, Susan M.]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781462504350
Publisher: Guilford Publications
Published: 2011-11-02T00:00:00+00:00

1. Charlene had grown up with a widowed, extremely physically sick mother, who had been unable to protect her from the violent sexual overtures of her step-brothers and cousins and the general hostility of the extended family, who disapproved of her mother and father’s marriage. Charlene’s much older cousin, who had taken over in the role of parent when her mother died, had been punitive, verbally abusive, and withholding of food.

2. Jim had also lost his father at an early age, which had connected him with Charlene. He, however, had a relatively stable and happy upbringing. He agreed that he had retreated into his work and parenting his boys as his connection with his wife had become more tenuous.

3. In her individual session, when questioned directly, Charlene stated that any sexual contact brought with it terrible flashbacks of abuse. She had shared “a little” of this with Jim over the years, but had “held lots of it in.” A recurring flashback was of having plastic pushed over her face while being raped and being unable to breathe. She downplayed her abuse and its effects, suggesting that lots of people had experienced this and were “doing okay.” It was just that she was “toxic.” What emerged in her story was that her leg pain, which her spouse saw as the main issue, was manageable for her. Her inability to eat and her withdrawal and aversion to touch, even with her children, seemed to directly reflect her traumatic past. Only if she initiated touch would she find it pleasurable. When asked directly, she spoke of intrusive flashbacks, numbing, and avoidance (not eating would create numbness and a sense of being at a distance from reality), alternating with flashes of rage and irritability. She would dress in the dark so as not to see herself, avoid touching her own body, and tell herself, “Everything will be fine if I am no trouble. So I will try to take up as little space as possible. It’s best if I am invisible.” She also spoke of herself as “damaged,” “unwantable,” as well as “toxic.” However, she did not see herself as needing individual therapy and downplayed her trauma and the guilt of her abusers unless I asked specific questions. She did want to save her marriage. She described herself as confused about directions for change, stating, “I’m down so deep, I don’t know which way is up. All I know is that I don’t want to lose Jim.” When I asked Charlene whether she had any questions, she asked if “this” ever went away. My answer was no, not entirely, but I had seen others face their demons and find a way to keep them in the margins of their lives rather than have to live their lives around them.

4. Jim described himself as keeping his distance so as to not lose his wife altogether. He knew the bare bones of Charlene’s upbringing, but did not understand her present problems and responses as a reflection of this upbringing.

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